man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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