I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
