If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You made out with two different species that night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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