dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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