I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
