i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
