My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
