I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
