I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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