Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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