Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
