hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
