They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
