Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i barfeds in our rink
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
