only if we run a train.
done.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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