We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
