I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
