what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
