I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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