It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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