you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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