Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
