smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
