we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't deserve a penis
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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