I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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