We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
