As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
