There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
