apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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