Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
