So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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