Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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