Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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