she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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