i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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