Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
