6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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