There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am midnight drunk by noon
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
