You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
