my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
vagina is talking i cant
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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