thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
not ubering you a puppy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
