all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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