Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
