its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
