She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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