i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
