I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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