Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
