my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
