Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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